Phil Parker's London Team

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Are You Arguing to Stay Stuck?

avoiding avoidance blogWhen you are feeling stuck in your life, do you hear yourself saying things like:

  • I’ve always been _____
  • I can’t _____, or I can’t help it (whatever ‘it’ may be)
  • I’m not good enough
  • It’s just the way I am
  • I’ll never be able to _____

 

These and numerous other negative statements you may find yourself repeating consistently are helping to keep you stuck.  This is also the case, if you find yourself being very defensive or constantly justifying yourself.

When you constantly tell yourself these things – they become the truth and will start to appear as an impenetrable barrier to you getting unstuck.  They will become your beliefs about yourself and your brain will support them, by seeking out evidence to back up your statements.

Before long, your head will be full of limitations and arguments as to who you are, and why you are, the way you are.  Fear will then stop you from moving on.

As a child, I was labelled the ‘shy one’ by my family.  Anytime we were in a social situation, my parents would reinforce this and I wore the shyness shield brilliantly – it was just the way I was.  I grew up accepting this was me, and I would never be anything other than shy.

Whilst I was young, it was OK, I didn’t know any different.  The problem was, it started to get in my way and limit me as I grew older and wanted to spread my metaphorical wings.

I had to work hard to challenge the belief that I was shy and locate my inner confidence.  I had to put myself forward and stop hiding behind the shield of shyness, which was challenging at times.It got easier as I found evidence that I could be confident.

Occasionally, I could put back on the shy shield, especially in new and challenging situations but now I know I have a choice over this situation.

What to do?

Awareness.  Become aware that you are arguing for something that will keep you stuck.

Challenge.  Ask yourself: ‘is this useful?’

Choice.  Recognise that you do have a choice in the situation and you can let go of being stuck

Solution.  Instead of focusing on how and why you have been stuck, focus on the potential solutions and what you want instead.

If you’re feeling stuck, contact us to find out how we can help you.