Do you find yourself saying yes, when you really want to say no?
Do you do things that make you feel uncomfortable, because someone has asked you to?
Do you put everyone else’s needs before your own?
If you answered yes to any of the above, you are a people pleaser. You spend your time and energy making others your priority, and you probably neglect yourself in the process.
Often people pleasers want to be liked, and to help others. This helps them to feel important, like they are contributing to someone’s life. They are concerned how others view them and their focus is on everyone else.
If this resonates with you, you probably find yourself feeling stressed, exhausted, as your personal needs get pushed to the side. It’s time to make a change and start putting yourself high on your list of priorities.
You have a choice
You are the one who is saying yes, you have a choice to say no. A great starting point is to recognise that you do have a choice in any given situation.
Accept that not everyone likes you, and that’s okay. I’m sure there are people that you don’t like either, and that’s okay too. It works both ways.
Making peace with this idea will go a long way to stopping the people pleasing.
Work on building your confidence
Often people pleasing comes from a place of low self esteem. If doing things for others makes you feel important and wanted, and you worry what people think of you, it is time to start building your confidence.
You have as much right to say ‘NO’ to something as anyone else does. Don’t feel you have to make excuses, this will only add to your stress. Instead, make a polite statement of your decision, and stick to it. The more you practice saying no to the things that aren’t right for you, the easier it will be.
Think about the things that you have done over the last few weeks that you really didn’t want to do.
Write them down and next to each point, write the reasons why you didn’t want to do them. You will probably find reasons like: missing out on family time, felt uncomfortable, couldn’t afford it etc.
Now use this list and set some very clear personal boundaries. For example:
If something makes me feel uncomfortable, I will say ‘no’.
Family meal time is precious and I will say ‘no’ to anything that interrupts it.
I love to walk the dog in the morning and will say ‘no’ to doing anything before 9.00am.
Let go of those who take advantage
There will be certain people who take advantage of you being a people pleaser. These are the people who will try and bypass your boundaries.
Create some distance between you and these people, and if possible, let them go all together. They are not supporting you to be confident and happy, and the more time you spend out of their company, the better.
As you grow in confidence and develop your ability to say no, you will find you start to regain the calm and peace in your life.
If you want to find out how we can help you with this, please contact us to arrange a chat.